Anglerfish (Dolores, I Live in Fear)
Been a while since Top Men have brought any amazing creatures to your attention. Wait no longer...
Anglerfish are best known for their camouflage, particularly a dangling lure for attracting their meals. The lure appearance can vary from wormlike, to small fish, or crustacean - and a single fish can have up to ten lures. In deepwater varieties the lure actually contains a bacteria that allows it to glow (think Finding Nemo.) The anglerfish swings the lure out in front of its mouth, waits for a poor chump, and then slams his mouth open and sucks the sucker in. By slam we mean fast - like the fastest bite of any vertebrate.
Powerful jaws, long sharp teeth, and a flexible mouth and stomach actually allow them to catch and digest fish that are double there own size.
More? You asked for it.
Deepwater Anglerfish mating is accomplished when the much smaller male (one tenth the size) attaches himself to his significant other by biting into her flesh. In time his mouth merges right into her skin, and gradually the rest of him degenerates, leaving only a minute, sperm producing, blood-sucking, parasitic, lump-of-a-male. (Insert your own delightful marriage punchline here. Badum-chhhhh!)
And did we mention that they actually kind of walk along the ocean floor - here's the video.